AN APPEAL TO REASON

It's difficult to think of work as I pack for Wales, but I felt I had to report on this case from Stuttgart, Germany: the plaintiff, Demetrius Soupolos, hired his neighbor, Frank Maus, to get his wife pregnant because the couple wanted children and Demetrius was told by his doctor that he was sterile.

Frank agreed. He was already married and had two children of his own. Since he resembled Demetrius, the plan seemed like a good one. He was paid $2,500 for his services, which took place three evenings a week for the next six months, for a total of 72 times.

Alas, Frank was unable to fulfill his end of the bargain, although clearly not for lack of trying. Frank also had to calm his wife, who objected to the arrangement, telling her, "I don't like this any more than you. I'm simply doing it for the money. Try and understand." (Oh, by the way, did I mention that the neighbor's wife was a former beauty queen?)

Disappointed with the (lack of) results after six months, Demetrius insisted that Frank submit to a medical examination, which revealed that Frank was also sterile. (Maybe they live next to a chemical waste dumping ground.) This, of course, raised some questions about how he was able to father two children. His wife then confessed that Frank was not the real father. Ouch!

Now Demetrius is suing Frank for breach of contract and demanding return of his $2,500. Frank refuses to refund this payment for his hard labors, alleging that he did not guarantee conception and only agreed to give it his honest efforts.

There is no indication that Demetrius asked for assurances or insisted that Frank undergo a physical exam before performing his duties. And Frank apparently believed that he was up to the task based on what appeared to him to be his past successes.

This situation will probably end up in some law school exam.